This one gets so crazy in nonduality discussions. What is the self? Who is the self? Many teachings say that there is a big self and a little self. Unfortunately, the second we get stuck in trying to define what the self is, we have removed ourselves so far from the self that we become completely lost.
Philosophers have been arguing over it for hundreds of years. “I think, therefore I am.”
Well, but who are you?
Question: the self, what is it?
Answer: It’s nothing, it’s everything.
We can say it’s a concept only. We can say it actually exists. We can say it’s a word. We can spell it: S-E-L-F in English—self.
We can define things forever. One of the ways nonduality likes to describe the self is that there’s a big self and there’s a little self. Usually, it’s saying that the big self is the awakened person and the little self is the little thoughts we have about things.
I think it should go around the other way. We should call the false self, the illusionary self, “big.” Because it sure thinks it’s big. Every description we have about this self is huge. Words can go on and on and on describing this. I could do a five-hour video talking about self, and I’d get to the end of the five-hour video and I wouldn’t be anywhere close to still describing what it is.
So that’s big.
But there is an awake you that could also be called the self. We can give that the name of the self as well. It’s just a name, you know? We could name it Bob. But the self, the actually awake self, we should call it that the small self. We should actually call it the minuscule self because it’s so tiny. It’s so normal it actually doesn’t exist in separation.
It’s so small, so insignificant, and yet it is the you watching everything. It’s so blended into everything that we can call it nothing, like a drop in the ocean.
That’s a good metaphone: the drop dissolves in the ocean. Take a drop of water and drop it into the ocean. Is the drop still there? I guess you could divide it down into all the little molecules that were in that drop, but where did they end up going? They’re gone; they’re going everywhere, right? Is it still there or has it completely dissolved into the ocean?
There is a you that we could call the awakened self, and this is what we’re looking for in nonduality. We’re not looking to endlessly define things; we are looking for who we actually are.
So don’t get off track in nonduality studies and think it’s about figuring it out. It’s about stopping the constant figuring it out and being who you are: the vast nothingness of yourself that is awake and aware. Where you’re looking from is who you are.